What’s Eating You?

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I woke up this morning hungry. Then not hungry. I know food was in the kitchen. If I were to eat breakfast, I know exactly what I’d have. Cinnamon oatmeal, one egg, and a big glass of oj. But I didn’t want that so I just drank some water. I realized, I wasn’t hungry for food.

I’ve hungered for many things. Things I subconsciously blocked out. I really thought I was hungry. So I ate. Alot. All the time. For no reason. My stomach didn’t growl. No hunger headache. Just needed a bite or two. At 2 to 3 hour intervals, I was snacking on something. There were times it curbed my hunger. Most times I was left feeling unsatisfied. Not thrilled. Gluttonous. Still empty.

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I hungered for life, full life. For love. For consistency within myself. Within my relationships. Family. Friends. Lovers. Hungry for knowledge. For smarts. Not feeling smart enough. Smart anymore because life’s moments & bad choices had left me feeling stupid. I hungered for happiness. A thing that had long ago left my presence my life and I yearned for it. Pleaded for it. Thirsted for it. Cried for it. Prayed for it. It would peep its head in the doorway, smile, and disappear.

I hungered for normalcy. For a leg up. To make sense of the things happening around me. Hungered for reciprocity. Hungered for freedom. Hungered for joy. Hungered for happiness. For harmony. To numb. To erase those bummer feelings.

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I had to check myself and understand what it was all about. I was hungry and now I know why. Trimming the fat has a new literal meaning for me. Trimming the emotional & mental baggage. Learning the difference between emotional hunger…mental hunger…spiritual hunger…and physical hunger. Learning the why, the when to & how to feed each. Perhaps knocking off a few lbs in the process.

To the other emotional eaters in this world: Here’s to enjoying your meal. Your actual meal…In front of you. Not the plate of miscellaneous crap in your brain. Bon Appetit!

The Power of a Good Shower.

 Shower time! Almost forgot, One more thing...

Shower time! Almost forgot, One more thing…

Today, I couldn’t wait to get in the shower! Not that I was particularly dirty or anything. I hadn’t done any strenuous activity or broken a sweat. The ab crunches, pushups, & planks I’d done did burn…boy did they burn…but no beads of sweat to report. I really just needed the borderline scalding, steaming water. (Women understand: It’s gotta be stinging hot or nothing at all!) For the hot water to bead over my body and release the mounting tension that had made a safe-haven in my muscles. Needed to relax and zone the world out, zone the noise out, zone out period.

As is customary, when Black girls take showers, we cover up our hair. Most I’ll say, as there maybe a select few who “Long Hair, Don’t Care” It! {More power to you my sista!} Nope. This sista is not about to rock the frizzy’s. The moisture fudges up my look & I don’t like it. (Crosses arms & pouts lips like a 5-year old child being asked to do something they really don’t want to do…like bathe actually or clean up or anything that doesn’t involve playing but I digress) That actually still sounds like me as an adult. Lol at that fun fact! Where was I? Oh yeah shower.

So one thing that use to be of the utmost importance to me once upon a time, was making sure my edges didn’t get wet. In the days of perms & relaxing my hair, I was always careful to make sure no water touched my hair. That would cause the world to end! Actually, it just ruined the straight hair I was trying to maintain. There is nothing more hot mess than wavy edges with straight ends. That then caused you to have to use the flat-iron right near your scalp & forehead, which would almost guarantee a burn mark or nervous sweating which defeated the point of even straightening your hair. Why Lord Jesus!

I’ve been natural for a little over 2 years so why is this even an issue? Because it’s ingrained in my head…Since I was 9. (Why my mother let me get a perm at 9. A whole other story.) Today I realized I still avoid my hairline while taking a shower so as not to mess up hair. This makes no sense! I wear my hair in Afros! Frequently! My edges are going to look exactly the same as when I got in the shower. I do it out of habit. Sheer habit. And it got me to thinking about habits.

Those pesky things we do over & over that make no real sense. Those things we have no need to do any longer. The places we continue to go that we’ve been going to for years. The people we continue to have in our lives that no longer serve any purpose. The things we think are written in stone, when they have always been written in pencil… The fact that we allow repetitive, habitual rituals to become our norm, even when it’s past time we do something different.

Why do we continue to do things long after they have served their purpose? Long after we should have outgrown them. The one thing we have as intelligent, thinking adults is the power of free will & the freedom of choice. We choose. Conscious choices of what we do, when we do it, how we do it, why we do it, & who we do what with. It only takes that one light bulb moment of thought to say, Oh you know what? I have the power to change whatever I want about me. It’s a testament to sometimes things only change when we make a conscious decision that it’s time.

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I’m a big proponent of “Do something new.” Be something new. Why not? Change is always there. To usher in new ideas, new ways of thinking. Adding spice to hum drum life. Awakening tastebuds that have long been craving new flavors. Changing that black hair to auburn or blonde or blue (whatever). Rocking heels instead of the flats you normally wear. Hell, buying Cottonelle when you’ve always bought Charmin (WALK ON THE WILD SIDE!). Remembering I don’t have to eat at the table if I don’t want to. I think I will have ice cream for breakfast! Park two spots down from your usual spot. Take a different route on your evening run. Ask them out instead of waiting for them to make the first move…or something as simple as taking a shower & not worrying if your edges get a little wet…

It’s okay. The world is still here…and now I have baby hair… 🙂

The power of a good shower.